Updated: Apr 17, 2020
July 31st is always an emotional day for me, as are September 15th, and April 8th. Those are the days my mom was born, the day she died, and my birthday, in that order. Today has been no exception-if anything, today has been more intense than it has in years past. I have felt this coming for some time, and couldn't understand why since she would have been 72, (which is not an even number), and she has been gone for I3 years this September (also not a particularly remarkable anniversary), but I realized today that it is likely because this year I turned 50, and that has been a milestone for me. Fifty has profoundly changed me, including increasing and accelerating in me the ever-present urgency to make a difference in the world. I think that knowing that my mom died in her fifties made me more aware of the number, and more aware of how little time we have on this earth- even if we live to 100. As women, our mothers represent how we see ourselves and, in many ways, how we see other women. Many relationships between mothers and daughters are difficult, as mine was, but as a general rule, they are also filled with a unique, intense love, and a bond like no other we will ever have in our lives. Part of the reason for the existence of this group, and one of the reasons that my heart is so deeply invested in promoting women uplifting women, is because of the remarkable woman I was able to call my mother. I think that, in many ways, the bonds that unite us as women, are mystical ties that make us mothers, sisters, and heroines to each other when we are at our best- but these ties can also carry the same complexities we have in our relationships with our mothers. We see ourselves reflected in our mothers more than in anyone else, and that carries over, to a degree, to the relationships we have with other women. Waves is about acknowledging our womanhood as a whole, embracing the complexity, upholding the good in each other- lifting and lighting each other up, and sending that light right back into the world. For her beautiful complexity, her strength, her valor, her brillance, her love of humankind, her endless compassion, and the efforts she made to instill these things in me and to encourage me to act on them, I dedicate this #TellUsTuesday to my beloved Mom.
You are not in my heart, you are my heart- at least the kindest part of it. I walk through life with you beside me, inside me. I have conversations with you still,
only now they are built from memories
that carry your words
You still show me the way.
I cherish these things I carry with me, these little pieces of you,
but my blood still aches from your absence.
Your spirit keeps me, but it can't fill the void left by not hearing the sound of your voice, or feeling the touch of your hand.
I love and miss you, every single day, with all of my heart.
Happy birthday in the stars, my sweet Mom.